SELF-OBIT: By Anupriya Kumar


Anupriya Kumar – friend, daughter, sister, and Online Producer of highest repute – died early last Sunday of injuries sustained in a vehicle accident at the tender age of 30-something.

Death came to her in the form of a speeding truck as she was walking down a road, doing the two things she loved the most – staring unblinkingly at her mobile and ignoring oncoming traffic.

Her departure from the mortal realm caused ripples of shock and dismay through her social circle, destroying in particular those to whom she owed money.

A woman of varied interests, Anupriya was fond of singing and dancing. She had a booming voice, which grew even more thunderous while shouting at her neighbours who asked her to pipe down. Her moves on the dance floor were variously described as “appalling”, “a safety hazard for those in her vicinity”, and “the worst thing to have happened since pineapple pizza”.

But she never let the scepticism of haters rain on her parade and continued to move like Jaggermeister, hanging up her dancing shoes only when the floor of her apartment gave way under the pressure generated by her spirited stomping.

Anupriya leaves behind a legacy of inexplicable haircuts, fashionable delays, and cancelling plans at the last moment. She will be remembered for her humour, described by friends as most effective when unintentional.

“I am going to miss her jokes,” a former co-worker said, adding “like the plague” under his breath, in an obvious tribute to his departed colleague’s sharp wit and biting sarcasm.

In her final days, she had sworn off all processed food, spearheading an ambitious campaign against the fast food industry, garnering solid support from three people.

Two days into a sugar-free diet, she could be found reading articles such as “Are Flaxseeds the New Kale of Super Foods or Vice-Versa?”, ODing on carrot sticks, and telling random passers-by how she’d “never felt so alive in her life”.

Few could miss the irony when her life was snuffed out less than a day later.death6.jpg

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